Miss Abigail's Guide to Dating, Mating, & Marriage

Miss Abigail’s feeble attempt to give advice now on stage at 14th Street Theatre

The 14th Street Theatre, nestled between such big venue spots as the Hanna Theatre and the major venues on Euclid Avenue, has a unique place in Cleveland theatrical presentations. It’s where the “little” acts go to play. We’ve had a nun teaching us the catechism, a cross-dresser talking us into buying Tupperware, and now an “expert” spewing out facts from books about dating, mating and marriage while being stalked by her on-stage Hispanic assistant.

The scripted/adlibbed presentation is dependent upon a dynamic and quirky presence as Miss Abigail, and a fun and sexy male assistant named Paco. Laurie Birmingham, who plays Abby, appears to be a nice woman, but isn’t a forceful presence. She doesn’t have the adlibbing ability to compensate for the poorly written script. Gabriel Gutierrez is quite charming, but lacks naturalness and the stud factor. Their interactions lack meaningful spontaneity. It’s almost like they are reading from prompt cards, and not doing that well.

Based on the ideas of real-life advice columnist and blogger, Abigail Grotke, the concept is to get the audience to enjoy themselves and share their views, participate from their seats and on stage, and hear many theories about dating, mating and marriage. They were also asked to fill out cards which were to be used to flesh out the script. Only a couple were used, and those seemed like planted questions.

Having an audience that is sloshed, willing to be played with, and can be excited by mildly sexual innuendoes, helps. Unfortunately the small opening night crowd, many of whom were woman out for a night on the town, weren’t quite drunk and raucous enough to help much.

There were “prizes” for participation including a stick of gum and cards with “Miss Abigail’s 10 Commandments for Couples,” “Miss Abigail’s ask the looking glass!,” and The Miss Abigail Dldow.” These are inscribed with such sage wisdom as: “Men, always greet her with a kiss, especially when other people are present,” “Is my hair brushed?,” “Order some Chinese food,” and “When in doubt get counseling.”

The set, which arrived so late that the original opening night performance had to be cancelled, consisted of some old couches, a poorly painted cloth backdrop, and a ton of books, from which Miss Abigail read the quotes of experts. This is a low cost tour, with seemingly low level expectations. One can only wonder what the producers were thinking when they decided to send it on the road.

CAPSULE JUDGEMENT: The show’s websites list “reviews” from viewers as they exited the show. One person wrote what turns out to be my view of the show: “The idea was good but script was so bad that I couldn't really laugh even though I wanted to.”

Santaland Diaries

THE SANTALAND DIARIES and LOUSH SISTERS at 14th Street Theatre

Author and entertainer David Sedaris has a knack of finding what’s funny and ironic about life. He’s at his best when he takes on the mundane and less dramatic incidents of existence.

Christmas is one of those times that brings out the best and the worst in people. This is very evident in THE SANTLAND DIARIES, a rendition of which is now on stage at the 14th Street Theatre in PlayhouseSquare, which is cosponsoring the production with Cleveland Public Theatre.

The playlet concerns Sedaris, experiencing life as a struggling writer in New York, who seeks out and secures a job as an elf at Macy’s flagship department store. He’s 33-years old and takes on the role of Crumpet, dressed in red and white stripped stockings, green tights, tasseled cap, and an oh so gay holiday tunic.

The show illuminates Sedaris’s dark comic observations on human life including the threats of parents when their kids aren’t thrilled about sitting on Santa’s lap, the drunk Santas, the kids who urinate in the fake snow, the fellow elf who can’t figure out why she can’t have the job on an all year basis, and what happens when the “real” Santa appears.

There are various ways of interpreting the role of Crumpet. Kevin Joseph Kelly, this season’s elf, with the help of director Elizabeth Wood, decides sarcasm is the right route.

Now, it has to be understood that KJK is at his best when he is cross-dressing. He’s made a career of putting his size 14 feet into high heels, adding some padding to a bra, and stuffing his ample body into a dress. He’s been Albin, the drag queen in LA CAGES AUX FOLLES. He’s portrayed Edna, an over-sized woman played by a man, in HAIRSPRAY. And he makes an appearance in a spangling dress in THE LOUSH SISTERS, the second act of this SANTALAND DIARIES. He’s at his best in drag. Hmm, wonder what would have happened if he and Wood had decided to take a different approach and let Kelly do his drag thing? That’s something to ponder for future presentations.

But the duo stuck to the traditional, so we have Kelly, as a sarcastic Crumpet, a Paul Lynde with too tight tighty-whities. That approach doesn’t get all the laughs that are inherent in the script. It’s not that Kelly is bad, he’s quite okay. It’s just that the play tends to work better with a more adorable or curmudgeonly approach. As the lady sharing the table with me said, “I thought this was going to be cute and funny.”

The second act is Liz Conway and Sheffia Randall Dooley as the Loush sisters. The mixed race “sisters” put out full effort, do a nice job of singing a blend of various holiday and non-Yuletide songs, get some laughs, and do some cute shticks. The highlight was Kelly’s appearance as the sisters’ sequins dressed full-figured mama and his version of Rose’s Turn from GYPSY.

The act is one of those segments of entertainment that when it ends, is quickly forgotten. That’s not a slam, just a comment on what was…okay, but no brass ring.

CAPSULE JUDGEMENT: THE SANTA CLAUS DIARIES is an evening of looking at life through the eyes of life commentator David Sedaris, which gets an acceptable presentation.

'Til Death Do Us Part--Late Night Catechism

Yet another Catechism at the 14th Street Theatre

She’s back. Yes, a “Catholic” nun is again castigating, teaching the heathens, making attendees who are errant—chewing gum, wearing low cut blouses or short skirts, not showing respect, or are believers in Scientology--all pay the price. The “good” ones in the audience get religious “baseball” cards with pictures of various saints on them.

Created in 1993 by Vicki Quade & Maripat Donovan, ‘LATE NIGHT CATECHISM,’ as the first version was named, was based on their experiences growing up Catholic in Chicago and the stories and experiences they've heard through the years from friends and family members. Part catechism class, part stand-up routine, it has brought its nostalgic kick to every state in the U.S. as well as to Canada, the U.K., and Australia.

The present edition, entitled ‘TIL DEATH DO US PART—LATE NIGHT CATECHISM 3,’ takes those who have gone through Catholic schooling back to their days as students who need to be taught the “right way of leading their lives,” so they can get to heaven. Heaven, is defined by Sister as “A spectacular concert with the presence of God.” She slips in zingers such as referring to Lutheranism being “Catholic Light,” and telling the assembled that “There is no marriage in heaven, only happiness,” explaining her attendance at a nudist wedding, what is meant by Irish Alzheimer’s (“being drunk”), and showing surprise that a newly engaged couple met on Match.com. That duo got the “privilege” of participating in a quiz which showed how incompatible they were.

The various Catechism productions star six different actresses. In the Cleveland showing, Mary Zentmyer does a nice job of ad-libbing, using audience responses and situations, to develop a humorous evening.

A show highlight centered on Sister taking on the Vice President of Theatricals at Playhouse Square, for wearing a short skirt and “Nancy Sinatra” boots after the PHS administrator made the mistake of volunteering an answer to one of Sister’s questions. She wound up on stage on several occasions, having to cover her exposed knees with a napkin while keeping score during the couples’ quiz section of the show. Sister also took on the public relations director of several local theatre and dance companies, who was obedient in giving answers to Sister’s probes. Who gets picked on other nights is up for grabs. If you want to be a victim of Sister’s taunts, sit up close or be silly enough to volunteer to answer one of her questions. If not, do as I did, and hide in the back section of the theatre, sit up straight and keep your mouth shut and hand down.

CAPSULE JUDGEMENT: Those who went through Catholic schooling will certainly have flashbacks as they stand erect, have chewing gum put on their noses, rest against the blackboard with their noses in a chalked circle, and hear the sound of “the clicker.” Non-Catholics should also be amused.

Dixie's Tupperware Party

Tupperware party at the 14th Street Theatre is actually a Tupperware party

There is a conundrum going on at the 14th Street Theatre in Playhouse Square. Is ‘DIXIE’S TUPPERWARE PARTY’ a play or a standup comedy show, more suited for the likes of Hilarities, rather than a theatre. And, then there is the question which was on the lips of many who attended the opening night show, “Is she a he?”

Whatever, there are a lot of people who will find themselves entertained by Dixie Longate, the self-proclaimed #1 Personal Seller of Tupperware.

‘DIXIE’S TUPPERWARE PARTY’ is exactly what it is billed as, “A Tupperware party.” And, from the comments of those around me who have attended those affairs, the purpose is the same: To entice attendees into buying the plastic containers, cups, mugs, pans and do dingles. And, do they buy! After the show many women were searching through their catalogues deciding on what "treasures" they couldn’t live without. In addition, there was a long line of those waiting to shell over their checks and credit cards after the show.

According to Dixie, she is from Mobile, Alabama, moved to Los Angeles as a condition of her parole, had three husbands, has three kids, and started selling the “Plastic crap” in order to make some money. She contends that her Tupperware party caught the eye of some New York Theatre producers and in 2007 she had a big off-Broadway opening. For her efforts, she garnered a Drama Desk Award nomination for Outstanding Solo Performance.

Her humor, based on double entendres and gross innuendoes, regaled many in the audience. More than a few of whom wound up either on stage being the butt of jokes, or were verbally accosted in their seats. She went as far as singling out a shy young lady, who by the end of their interaction, was swearing like a longshoreman. She also enticed one of the area’s professional actors onto the stage to spar with. (I doubt whether she knew who she was using as her foil.) He played along well, to the delight of those of us who knew who he was.

Warning: If you want to be the butt of his/her jokes, sit at the front tables or volunteer to be one of the three audience members who sit on stage during the festivities.

CAPSULE JUDGEMENT: Depending on your mood and sensibilities, ‘DIXIE’S TUPPERWARE PARTY’ could be fun, especially if you are there with a bunch of women friends and have a half-dozen or so cocktails before the show. For me, I’d prefer to go down the street and see “THE MYSTERY OF EDWIN DROOD” at the Great Lakes Shakespeare Festival.

We Got Bingo

‘WE GOTTA BINGO’ an interactive happening that encourages the audience to “let loose.”

Don’t go to see Bingo, now on stage at the 14th Street Theatre in Playhouse Square, expecting to see a great theatre epic. What you’ll participating in is a free-wheeling, interactive, mostly adlibbed experience, filled with playing Bingo, polka music (what else?), dancing, being dragged up on stage to participate in shenanigans, and winning prizes such as a fake stuffed turkey or a used sweater or sitting on a throne if you are lucky enough to actually achieve a bingo.

The “plot,” and I’m using the word in the broadest sense, centers on the decision to combine an Italian Catholic parish with an Irish one (let the bickering and insults begin). By mistake, the wrong church is destroyed by the wrecking company, so a fund-raiser has to be held to get the money to redo the building. Far fetched? Of course, that’s what leads to the ridiculousness of the double sexual inuendos, the entrance of the archbishop (who was sitting next to you just two minutes ago in normal clothing), and the mad racing around by the cast. It’s also what caused one of my tablemates to fake a leg injury so he didn’t have to do the Chicken Dance.

Performed in the vein of the long running ‘TONY N’ TINA’S WEDDING,’ ‘WE GOTTA BINGO,’ which is being performed both here and in St. Paul, places you in a German beer garden. The “meal” consists of Bruschetta San Dominica,
Insalata del Lotto, homemade lasagna, warmed garlic bread and an
assortment of Wunderbars. Now, don’t get the idea this is gourmet food. It’s served on paper plates, you eat with plastic forks, and the bread comes wrapped in aluminum foil. Think, Ladies Auxiliary food served in a church basement!

Many names familiar to local audiences are in the cast including Eileen Burns (who sings up a storm), Liz Conway, Paul Floriano (as his usual ill-tempered curmudgeon), Patrick Carroll, Lissy Gulick (the lady can actually play the bass), June Lang (who portrayed Mrs. Vitale in ‘TONY & TINA’S WEDDING) and Dan Marshall (who looked fetching at the conclusion in a fishnet off-the-shoulder outfit). And, Paul Hupalowsky, from where else than Parma, playing the accordion. The affair is guided by Resident Director Jacqi Loewy and Director Ross Young.

Capsule judgment: The cast seems to be having a good time. The audience, depending on an individual’s possessing the ability to let loose and just let things happen, including being a willing or unwilling participant in the shenanigans, leaves smiling. (This would make a great holiday party occasion. Groups of 16 or more get priority seating and special ticket prices.)

Ain't We Got Fun (14th Street Theatre)

‘AIN’T WE GOT FUN!’ no fun at 14th Street Theatre

Halfway through the second act of ‘AIN’T WE GOT FUN!,’ now on stage at the 14th Street Theatre in Playhouse Square, a character who is performing at a depression era speakeasy says, "It’s a shame there are so few of you here tonight." Prophetically, the character was correct. The production’s audience numbered less than 15 people. Unfortunately, based on the poor quality of the script, the staging and the performances, not many more should be showing up.

‘AIN’T WE GOT FUN!’ follows the love affair between two young men from Michigan in the 1920s. One, intrigued by a group of men who visit the resort community in which the boys live, follows the fellows to Chicago where he becomes a performer at a gay speakeasy. As happens in all concept musicals, lovers come and go and reunite again.

‘AIN’T WE GOT FUN!,’ was conceived by Michael McFaden after hearing a series of gay love songs written in the 1920s and 30s. He started to develop the show in May of 2003 and by November of that year he had a workable draft. Two staged readings later, one at the Fresh Fruit Festival in New York City, at which the show received the Best Musical award, convinced McFaden that the script was ready for prime time. It is getting its professional world premiere in Cleveland.

I don’t know what the competition for the festival was like, but from my perspective this is not an award winning piece of theatre. The story line is obvious, it contains no high and low emotional levels and much of the dialogue is trite and unnatural. It also plays up every bad stereotype of gay males.

Even if the script was excellent, the quality level of the local production, under the off-key direction of the author, is poor. The acting is mostly surface level, and the vocal abilities of the cast are generally shallow. As the person sitting next to me moaned, "This is pathetic."

There are some positive aspects. Alex Puette as Benny, one of the young lovers, is a good dancer, attractive, a more than adequate singer and is generally believable in his acting. Dorothy Savage is delightful as Chloe, the naive flapper, who falls in love with one of the young men before she realizes he is gay. She sings well and is Betty Bop adorable.

Ian Atwood, as a bouncer at a gay club, sings well.

Rose Leininger gives the right tone to the role of Chloe, when she gets old. Kyle Primous develops some nice choreographic moments, but except for Puette, he is working with performers with limited dancing skills.

Unfortunately, Chad Moore, with a bad bleach job, is physically wrong for the role of Oscar, who supposedly becomes the unbelievably handsome, buffed stud performer of the Chicago gay circuit. He has difficulty with the singing, dancing and acting aspects of the role. Neal Alan Oblonsky, complete with a very bad make-up job, fails to make his role of the Old Oscar credible. Zak Hudak had a few good moments as Miss Amanda Luze, a drag queen, but he needed to be more naturally flamboyant, and less screachy, to make the character soar. The Bearcat Boys, a quartet who both sing and play the role of upper class bon vivants, are generally weak in their singing, dancing and performance skills. Of the trio, only Mike Caraffi developed a believable character, but he had trouble keeping his focus on stage. The technical aspects of the show, especially the scene changes, which slowed down the whole production, were very amateurish.

Capsule Judgment It’s painful to review a show with such few positives and it is even more painful to have to discourage people from going to see a production, but I have to call it as it is and ‘AIN’T WE GOT FUN!’ isn’t much fun.

Menopause (14th Street Theatre)

Clevelands have a better 'MENOPAUSE' than the Big Apple

“Seeking -- Iowa Housewife: mezzo, must be able to sing D below middle C to a high A. General information: Women should be over 42 and size 12-plus. Choreography is not difficult but they need women who can move well.” That definitely is not the traditional casting call for a Broadway musical. But, ‘MENOPAUSE, THE MUSICAL” is not a traditional show. There are no chorus cuties. There are no prancing guys. There is just a lot of fun, good singing, and an audience who knows from experience what it’s all about.

I’ve gone through menopause three times. In my home where my wife kept turning on the air conditioning during the winter and shedding clothing quicker than Gypsy Rose Lee. I also experienced it in New York with the original cast of the musical. But, sorry dear, undoubtedly, my best encounter with the “change” was at Cleveland Playhouse Square’s new venue, the 14th Street Theatre.

‘MENOPAUSE THE MUSICAL’ is a musical parody about the meeting of four women at a lingerie sale at Bloomingdale's. The four are a power professional, an aging soap opera star, an Iowa housewife, and a lost-in-the-sixties ex-hippie.

The quartet sings twenty-eight "re-lyricked" songs from the '60s and '70s which comprise the score, including "I Heard It Through the Grapevine, You'll No Longer See 39" and "Stayin' Awake, Stayin; Awake."

According to the show’s author Jeanie Linders she was inspired by "a hot flash and a bottle of wine." She contends the show is a celebration of a passage that launches women into an exciting new phase of their lives. "Most women know intuitively that every other woman is experiencing memory loss, night sweats or hot flashes," states Linders. "But when they are in a theater of 400 women – not just a few friends who are sympathetic by nature – and all 400 are laughing and shouting ‘That’s me!’ then they KNOW that what they are experiencing is normal. They aren’t crazy. It becomes a ‘sisterhood.’"

The Cleveland cast is wonderful. They work together well, obviously a labor of love. As the power woman, Tina Stump wails and shakes her “bootie” to the screams of the audience. June Lange, as the Earthmother (you’ll remember her as the widowed mother in the long running ‘TONY & TINA’S WEDDING)’ quickly became the audience favorite. The lovely and talented Maryann Nagel portrays the Soap Star with her usual dramatic flair and powerful voice. Dyan Beder doesn’t quite reach the heights of the others, but is so full of charm and enthusiasm that she blends in well.

The 90-minute show, which is performed without an intermission, contains take-offs filled with double entendres of such hits as ‘Chain of Fools,” “The Lion Sleeps Tonight,” “Puff, the Magic Dragon” (which becomes “Puff, My God, I’m Drag ‘in”), “Lookin’ For Love in All the Wrong Places” and “Stayin’ Alive.”

The show climaxes (excuse the pun) with the audience being invited on stage to share the “experience.” Many of them do!

According to the producers, the show’s few glitches are being taken care of. The band is being toned down. At times it was impossible to hear the clever words over the overly loud pounding beat of the musicians. The miking and speakers are being adjusted. And the order of the song titles in the program are being relisted as audience members were complaining that they wanted to know what song was being sung and the random title arrangement didn’t help.

CAPSULE JUDGEMENT: It’s a “Sign of the Times” that I developed a “New Attitude,” while getting “Good Vibrations“ from the wonderful cast. Pick up your fans, pop your pills, grab a bunch of your friends (even men will do) and strut your way downtown to see this hysterically funny, well done show. The production is in an open run and deserves to be held over and over and over!

Rivercan’t or The Traficanterbury Tales or A Humorless Celtic Dance Company Made Us Change the Title (Second City--Cleveland/14th Street Theatre)

SECOND CITY opens new home in Cleveland

What do Alan Arkin, Joan Rivers, Robert Klein, John Belushi, John Candy, Bill Murray, Dan Aykroyd, Gilda Radner, George Wendt, Shelley Long, Jim Belushi and Chris Farley have in common? They are all former members of The Second City. What do George Pete Caleodis, Cody Dove, Coleen Doyle, Jack Hourigan, Quinn Patterson and Dana Quercioli have in common? They too are members of The Second City. Except, instead of their having cut their teeth in Chicago, at the company’ s original home, the latter group is here in Cleveland at the newest setting for the famed comedy organization.

Second City has been called “A Temple of Satire” by Time Magazine. The New York Times stated that, “the entire recent tradition of American satire can be summed up in three words: The Second City.”

Recently opened in the Hanna Building in the heart of Playhouse Square, the Cleveland venue is the fifth location in North American to feature a Second City troupe. Other cities include Chicago, Detroit, Las Vegas and Toronto. The local performance space is a newly built contemporary large black box theatre, which seats 300. Patrons sit at tables in comfortable chairs in an arrangement which makes for easy viewing. Food and drink are available at moderate prices. Acoustics are adequate though it was sometimes hard to hear some of the members when the music was played as they spoke.

The show consists of two-40 minute acts interspersed with 30 to 45 minutes of improvisation in which cast members create scenes based on suggestions from the audience. (Think the TV show “Whose Line Is It Anyway?”) The shows, which will change about every three months, are written by the cast and the director.

The opening production, is entitled “Rivercan’t or The Traficanterbury Tales or A Humorless Celtic Dance Company Made Us Change the Title of Our Show.” The latter segment of the title refers to complaints by Riverdance organization over the show’s original title, “Burning Riverdance or The Traficanterbury Tales.” The title is a little misleading. There was a takeoff on Riverdance, but the Traficant reference is misleading, as there was only one reference to the errant Congressman.

In fact, the Cleveland connection, as a whole, was not very well developed. There were references to Mayor Jane Campbell, Halle Berry and Art Modell but there is so much more that makes up the humor of this area.

The improv segments didn’t work as well as should be expected. The cast didn’t seem swift enough to fully develop clever concepts. Hopefully their skills will improve with experience.

During the scripted segments some cast members and the production were inconsistent. Cody Dove and Jack Hourigan were wonderfully funny and totally involved in their presentations. The other cast members varied greatly in their comedy abilities. Again, hopefully this will improve with experience.

Show highlights included a hysterical game of “Pictionary” where gender roles were exposed; the audience’s participation as high school band members; the dancing wheels which was performed while sitting on office chairs; a visit to the psychiatrist; and the sounds of Riverdance.

Weaker sections were the firefighter segment, a high school graduation ceremony, a space walk, a stripper scene, and a chaotic final number which attempted to take the audience on a drive around the area.

Capsule judgement: Here’s hoping that the troupe continues to do what it does well and grows in their presentational abilities. If that happens, Second City will become an exciting place for Clevelanders to go on a regular basis.